To The One From My Past
Published Date:19th Oct, 2020
To tell you the truth ,all these years neither I wished u happiness nor pain, all I waited is for karma to do its work, waited to see if god really exist to serve u what u deserve .
I just felt so much injustice for myself ,the way u left me with wounds ,the way I was cheated ,the way my love was denied,u choosing another one over me ,everything was just injustice to me.
i kept wondering if I really mattered,i kept looking for the things that I lacked actually I started questioning my self worth for so long that I forgot what I deserve, those jealousy ,insecurities ,pain ,suffering was constantly leading me to depression .
yet i tried to recover from past and tried harder to replace you and in that process I really didnt cared what I could/ would lose and kept giving everything to anyone who came , in the hope of being loved, happy and more than than to replace u ,
but unfortunately everyone who came in my life intended to do the same as u did which made my wound even bigger and each time I was left more empty than before .
I could never get someone to replace you may be that is why I never stopped blaming u .but the fact is u and me ,we both plays equal role to destroy my life or maybe I did much worse,didnt I ?? Now as I look back I think I should have accepted the fact which was right infront of me instead of trying to change them , things would have been much better than now
.. I could never be happy and I hated it when I saw u happy with her. Everytime I saw u both together ,everytime I saw you posting about eachother I punished myself for not being good enough to be in her place
but now when u are in pain ,missing her each day , waiting for her to return in your life , I am seeing you as me who was begging for your love five years ago and I dont like it either .
I cant deny that you being with her reminds me of all those pain from the past and u missing her expressing your love for her suffocates me...but you being in pain and unhappy is much more miserable than those pain or anything else in my life .
I did wished for you to love me , realize my love , regret loosing me for your whole life ,I really did .but none of that happened and somewhere deep inside my heart it still ache for that
but after all these years ,one thing that I have realised and accepted is I was never your love .just like I loved you with all my heart ,u loved her .just like its impossible for me to unlove u no matter how many people I meet ,it must be hard for u to unlove her .I really dont want you to go through what I had gone in those past years
so even if it is something that will ache my heart forever ,I will hope u guys get along with eachother,I hope she returns ,even if its ur karma you are dealing with ,I hope your pain ends here .
Some of our mistakes are unforgivable ,some past can never be forgotten,some wounds will never mend ,some scars will never disappear ,but as long as I am here in this beautiful world ,I will try to heal till my last breathe .